Quirks, Quills, and Critical Issues
by Silentsmoke
Summary: Three artifacts on the loose. A dead playwriter, a run-away bomb murderer, and strangely crazed woman are what they leave behind. Two teams of partners are sent to catch them, but these artifacts aren't the only things unearthed... Post "No Pain, No Gain." Includes slight one-sided Pyka. Interesting made-up artifacts! Semi-typical snag, bag, and tag fanfic!


**HIYA! My second ever fan-fic! My last one was horrible (It was an NCIS one-shot) but I'm still new, and you know what they say, practice makes semi-perfect. This will also be my first actual multi-chapter story, so wish me luck!**

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned Warehouse 13, why would I be writing this story when I'd be writing the script to it? AKA I don't own it. I DO own the **** artifacts of this plot, though. Almost all artifacts are created by me. If not, I'll state otherwise.  
**

**ALSO- this is post "No Pain, No Gain." There is some one-sided PYKA in this, but not too much. **

**So, onwards with...DA STORY!**

* * *

"_Ow!"_

The frustrated shout rang through the hallways of the Bed and Breakfast. It's owner fanned his mouth, breathing out heavily in a desperate attempt to cool off his scorched mouth. He gladly accepted some ice water from his annoyed partner, ignoring the scolding he was receiving.

"Pete, I told you they were too hot!" A young lady with very curly hair told him.

"Buh I wanb a coothie _nowww,_ Leena!" Pete whined, speaking around the ice cube in his mouth. "Ib hurths!"

Leena pursed her lips. "Well, then I guess you just had to learn the hard way."

"Huh, like a burnt mouth would stop Pete from getting his cookies." Myka sighed.

Sure enough, Pete was trying to reach around Leena and take another cookie. "Fine! Scorch your mouth again! Then we'll have to use the ziost stone to get you to stop wailing in pain all day."

Sitting at the table, Claudia tried hard to keep a straight face. "Oh yeah, i remember that artifact. Didn't it keep Joshua from speaking for a week...?"

Pete immediately dropped the cookie he was holding.

It was a sunny day in Univille, and everyone's spirits were just as high as the sun that afternoon. Capturing Alice again was no easy task, and the team were all glad they had managed to sustain her. As the team laughed at the look on Pete's face, Artie grumbled to himself at the antics of the gang. "When you four are done jumping around, we have a case."

Myka immediately sat down beside him at the table. Artie passed her the folder, and the Warehouse agent read it aloud to the rest of them.

"John E. McGranger, found dead in the back stage of Star Corralist Theater, his body full of shrapnel, scorched, and lungs full of water..." Myka trailed off before speaking again. "...but no evidence of any explosion was found, keeping the source of the shrapnel unclear..."

"Sounds like an artifact to me." Pete said, looking over his partner's shoulder while chewing on a cookie he'd stolen. Myka looked in disgust at the crumbs he spewed all over her. "Pete, 'talk while you're eating, you just go crumbs all over me!"

"Sorry Myks," he apologized, promptly spraying more bits of cookie onto the folder.

"So where is this?" Jinks asked, speaking for the first time, "And why, who, and what did this?"

"Happened in Los Vegas," Artie said, ignoring Pete and Myka's bickering, "I can't and your last two questions, but as for why...I might have a clue. McGranger wasn't the best in grade school, failed his grammar and English classes-"

"So? What's that got to do with it? I know someone who probably failed their grammar class." Claudia interrupted, shooting a glance at Pete, who was still bantering with his partner.

"If you'd allow me to finish, Claudia..." Artie stared down his nose at her before clearing his throat. Myka, meanwhile, had slugged Pete in the arm, and he promptly gave up the fight to turn and listen. "Yet just a few months ago, he went from an accountant to a big shot play writer, making broadway plays that gained him tremendous popularity. Perhaps he was murdered out of jealousy of him fame. Judging by the circumstances, he was using an artifact to enhance his writing skills." Artie heaved himself out of the dinning chair to the kitchen counter, and started to scribble down an address on a posted note. He handed it to Myka. "Your plane leaves in three hours. I trust you will both be ready by then."

Agent Bering took the offered note and headed upstairs closely followed by her partner. Artie turned to the remaining two agents in the room. "Now, for you two...you both have a seperate case."

Claudia gave a fist pump and gave a low, "Yes!" before Artie handed her the folder. Steve looked over her shoulder to read it. "Angelica Piedmont*, age thrity-two, survived a room filled with natural gas ten years ago..." Both partners exchanged a look before he continued. "A gas pipe broke in her Houston apartment when she was asleep. Firefighters first thought she was dead but realized she was miraculously still alive. She now has been acting strangely, sometimes screaming for someone." Jinks left off there.

"So you think she used some artifact to survive the natural gas, but then it backfired years later?" Claudia inquired Artie. "Sounds strange, even for an artifact..."

"Either way, you're both going to go investigate it," Artie told them, and preceeded to hand them two more plane tickets. "You can hitch a ride with Pete and Myka, your plane leaves an hour after their's..." He trailed off when light arguing came from the foyer. "Speak of the devils..."

"I'm driving!" Myka stated as she headed down the stairs, her partner close behind with both their bags.

"Why do you get to drive?" Pete complained. He set the suitcases down at the bottom of the stairs. "Dang, Myka, what do you put in your bag? It weighs like you filled it with bowling balls!"

"Stop complaining, Pete."

As she reached for the keys on the hook, her hand was pinned against the wall by Pete's. "Ah-ah," he said, a little too close for comfort. He used his other hand to take the car keys. "_I_ drive."

"Fine." Myka relented ungraciously, pulling her hand away from where he had it pinned. Pete grinned like a child who'd gotten his way, and promptly skipped out the door with his bag. Myka shook her head and followed her childish partner.

* * *

**Yes! First chapter's finally up. I'll probably update this about every-other day. Free virtual pixilated cookie for whoever can guess what three Artifacts were used in the reports!**


End file.
